Happiness. What is it anyway? Guess it’s something else for everybody. For me happiness is love, trips and seeing the world, for you it may be love, but mainly home, stabilisation and family. For Sophie it’s a dreamed-of career, an elegant suit and professional fulfilment, for someone else it’s life without limits and duties. They say you can’t be happy permanently, just at times. I don’t know because I kind of am happy. Sometimes I’m mad, angry, sad, irritated and tired, even low but I’m still happy! Some might say: that’s easy to say for you! You’ve got family, a nice job you like, you travel, have a hobby and friends around you. But you know what? It wasn’t always like this. But still, I’ve considered myself a happy person for years now. Even in times when I cried in my pillow because of some guy and told myself that I won’t ever meet this jerk, when my work wasn’t going so well, when my world was falling apart when I wasn’t paying myself because my company wasn’t doing so well. I always stood up, brushed the dust off my knees and 2 days later I said it once again: I’m a happy person. The sun always comes up after the storm. Sometimes you just need to wait for it for a moment. And most often you have to help it a little. I’m not saying it to tell myself and some other people that I have something I don’t. Not to put a spell on my life. I’m saying it to be realistic, to value life, not to care about minor stuff. Praise life!

 

I hate looking at all the people who act like somebody’s hurt them and look malcontent. Or pessimists. Those who see the half empty glass, who pick holes in things, who see problems in solutions, who whine, and when they feel too good, they quickly go through their thoughts and try to find something to worry about. I’m not saying it has to be perfect all the time. I don’t care for fake smiles and saying ‘everything is great’ when it isn’t. I know there are problems that are really painful and can break the bravest men… a serious illness or death of loved ones can tear your world apart. But there’s also a whole lot of problems we make up, we look for ourselves instead of looking at what’s good. We exaggerate, fret about but what for? Isn’t it better to just be happy? It’s more difficult, I know. But you can always try!

HOW TO DO IT?

 

1) LIVE NOW!

 

‘But I’m living’. You’d say. ‘I get up every morning, play with kids, work, chill out on weekend’. But how many moments you feel alive are there? When you can say ‘It was such a beautiful day!’, ‘A perfect afternoon’, ‘A great morning’. Are you really living HERE AND NOW? Or maybe you’re only living ‘until the weekend’, ‘until Christmas’, ‘until holidays’? Are you grasping your life? Do you get the most from seemingly ordinary moments? Or maybe you’re working like a robot, faster all the time hoping this day / month/ year passes by quickly? Hoping this project ends soon, your kid learns to walk quickly, eat on its own and goes to kindergarten. Hoping for your day off to come. Still waiting for something, you lose your ‘now’. A morning breeze on your face, crooked flower drawn on your greetings card, the smell of a sleeping child in the morning, the smile of your Man, the flavour of your favourite pasta or a soup. You live but the ‘snow isn’t cracking under my feet and the autumn leaves aren’t crackling.’** You’re running forward. Stop. Enjoy. The moment, today, now.

 

2) DON’T PROCRASTINATE WITH YOUR LIFE

 

You know how it is, we’re building a house and we don’t have time for pleasures. No time – lot’s of work to be done. I can’t go on vacation now. Maybe next year. No, I can’t leave my firm right now. I never understood people who did not used their mandatory leave to the max. Really??? You really prefer sitting in the office? Going to business meetings and looking at the screen instead of walking around the woods and looking at the faces of children, friends and relatives? I know, I know you can’t live through pleasures only but how can you not use 20-26 days of vacation you earned? Did you know that 2/3 of managers and specialists don’t use their vacation to the max?? And what do they get from it? Better financial results in their corporation? A raise? A bonus? What’s that for if you don’t get to use it? You may say that it’s your moment right now. That you need to, have to, for the kids, for better future, that there will be time to relax later on… Are you sure?

 

3) DON’T WASTE TIME FOR ANGER AND ARGUMENTS

 

‘A fight, quiet days, oh, how he pisses me off, my boss is an idiot, why do I have to work with this idiot. What a layabout! This client is an idiot! You haven’t cleaned the kitchen after yourself again! There’s a lake in the bathroom!! Wear shoes, would you? – how many times do I have to repeat it?!!?’ Quite a lot, isn’t it? We get irritated, angry, we growl in our souls. It’s not that bad if it’s about the boss and clients, even though it will mess our mood for a while too. It’s worse when there’s a fight at home too… Let it go, be the wiser one. What do you need the arguments about toilet seat left up, spilled crayons or another beer for? I know, I know, you have to bring up your man, the kid too. But sometimes it’s best to chill.

 

4) VALUE THE SIMPLE THINGS

 

You treat the world around you as something inevitable, right? It’s just how it is, was and will be. You don’t value the little things which can make every day a little better. Imagine you land in a hospital, you’re ill and you’re going to spend a month here… what will you miss then? Will you value it only then?

 

5) DON’T WORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING

 

We love worrying. It’s either job or child problems or something else. If it’s not kids, it’s the problems with your man, too fat thighs, too little money, Ignaś being ill again, work being dull, kitchen in need of a makeover and some tidying up needed to be done in the garden. And what if I get ill again. They will surely throw me out of work in that case! Maybe it’s something serious? The boss does not like me, I think she wants to get rid of me. What about the credit? What if we don’t make it? That’s not for me. There’s no sense. If you keep complaining and always see the glass half empty… go to the kitchen and get a smaller glass! Focus on what’s today. Don’t think about the future so much, don’t make things up, don’t go thinking about the worst.

 

6) HAVE TIME FOR FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES

 

I have no time, you know, work, work and more work. How often do we say things like that? We postpone meetings with friends, give up on colleagues. We don’t visit our parents, we don’t spend time with our partners, we tell kids: ‘No, not now, wait’. How long will it take? Friends? Finally they will give up on us you can’t stay in touch on Facebook only. Kids? In 3-4 years you’ll see that they don’t really need you that much anymore. Won’t you miss playing with bricks and waiting for them to sleep then? And the parents? How do you know that the next time come and visit them, there will still be both of them around? Time flies and they’re not getting any younger… Won’t you regret it then?

 

7) BE HAPPY… YOUR OWN WAY!

 

How many times have we been unhappy, dissatisfied or sad because instead of going our own ways, we listened to others? Because parents wanted it this way, because that’s what you supposed to do, because all friends are getting married, because all of them are giving birth… But maybe you prefer to hang out in Peru and Guatemala? Don’t need a husband, don’t like kids, prefer a scientific career or playing drums. If that’s what makes you happy, do it! It’s your life!

 

8) LIKE YOUR WEEKNESSES

 

You’re feeling bad because your belly does not look like when you were 18, that your tits are saggy after breastfeeding your child, that you developed first wrinkles on your face and there are first grey hairs on your head? And you? You don’t look like a model from the pricey watch ad, don’t you? So what? You don’t have to. You may have a perfect body and no joy in life. You can be 10 kg overweight and laugh every day. It all depends on you and if you really have to worry every time you look in the mirror – do something about it: train, run, go and have an operation or a haircut. Just remember that your head is much more important than your looks.

 

9) BE GOOD TO YOUSELF AND TO OTHERS

 

We love worrying and saying: I’m not good enough, better leave that. We rarely speak good about ourselves, we rarely complement others. We’re envious and jealous, we don’t complement, I won’t even mention those who vent their frustrations on online forums and comment sections (hope there are no such people here – God forbid! :)). A task for today: write 5 good things a about yourself.. about things you’re good at. Praise yourself for success like you praise your child. And then get on Facebook, give 10 likes and write at least 5 positive comments. You’ll surely see somebody’s cool photo, a smiling child a funny status. Tell others, make them happy too. Praise them for good work and thank for help. Don’t answer professional e-mails with ‘ok’. A thank you and a smile does not cost a lot.

 

10) INDULGE YOURSELF AND GIVE YOURSELF SMALL REWARDS

 

I don’t know about you, but I love when my child is happy. I love giving him things to be happy about. He still can value the little things – he’s happy when he gets a sticker, a chocolate muffin, leaves in the streets make him happy and so does a bubble bath. You simply want to keep him happy and make surprises. Treat yourself like a child. You want a cake but it has so many calories!!!! Fuck the calories – you deserve to have it from time to time!!! You wanna meet your friend but your covered in work – do it, the world won’t end. Your husband suggest a movie in the evening but the house looks like a battlefield, there’s a pile of clothes to iron – so what? Would you make your children clean your room for the whole evening so that it goes to sleep tired? You deserve small rewards too!

 

Easy rules, aren’t they? We know them all.. but still we forget about them quite often. I wantto remember about them. Every day. I know that they make my life better.

 

*the picture shows Amazon’s ‘little men’ I fell in love with – found HERE 🙂

** a paraphrase of J. Tuwim’s poem