Egoism 100% a maternity mistake
It’s a bit egoistic that you’re going to Asia, don’t you think? The child won’t remember anything and it may get ill!….
You only care about yourselves! You got a child now and you should stop thinking about parties and trips for two! I stayed all the time with my child, I had no help from anybody….
Travels?? It is a pleasure only for you! It must be very tiring for your baby!!
Coming back to work already?? What about the child??? To the nursery? But it’s only 10 months old! Do they treat the kids good there at least? The child should stay with its mother and you’re only thinking about the job and your career…
You’re taking a trip? Alone? What about the child?
Egoism. Thinking about yourself. Something others love to point out anytime you make yourself the most important person for a moment. When you’re thinking about things that make you happy instead of the things you SHOULD do. A trip for two without the child? EGOISTS! How can you leave the child like that? For 5 days? But he’s still so small! Can’t you take him with you? He’s going to stay at his grandparents? So what? They love him too? So what?! The kids should stay with their parents! You can’t go on thinking about yourself, your pleasures, your relationship, your man (even if he’s the father of the child!) because that’s EGOISM. Bad, awful and gross. That’s not what you were taught to do.
Guess what, I know plenty of them! Awful egoists – going for weekends or ski trips just the two of them. Going out for concerts, to meet with their friends, to parties instead of spending every evening with their child. And they even feel good when they drive their kid to its grandparents on Saturday evening, right before they go mad in the city! Bad people! They should be missing their child and watching its pictures all the time! And these mothers who return to their jobs before their kids turn 1 year old??? They get a nanny or look for a nursery but not because they need money to get by but to develop professionally! An outrage! Egoist mothers!! Go away!
They told you that thinking about yourself is bad since you were a child. ‘Show Kasia this toy, share, don’t think only about yourself’ – they said. ‘Be good at school, don’t make your parents feel bad because of you. Mommy will be happy if you get an A! Dress properly, wear this blue dress and don’t tell mommy about this C from geography! Help others. Don’t say no. Act good, give back the rake to the boy, he wants to play as well. Don’t think about yourself only.’
They told you that egoism is bad. They told you that only children are egoists and you must be happy that you have siblings since you won’t end up being an egoist! And if you are the only child you must try and prove at all times that you’re not an egoist! You’re not a spoiled princess – you’re helpful, you share, you don’t complain, you’re committed.
And that’s how things went… We still think more about others than about ourselves. We try to satisfy others more often than we think about ourselves. We forget about our own pleasures, because you have to go out to the playground with your child, your husband prefers a 40th thriller instead of a romantic comedy, your mother-in-law will be happy that you ate the cheesecake and grandma will like it if you complement he veg salad…. How about our pleasures and desires? Give me a break, it’s nothing serious, next time! I don’t need to, I don’t have to, I’ll do it some other day. But will this day ever come? Will a day ever come when I will be thinking about myself?
How about yesterday?… Have you thought about yourself for at least 15 minutes? When? When you woke up 3 times at night to mind your child and then feeling half-alive prepared breakfast for him in the morning? Or when you prepared sandwiches your husband loves, even though you only had an oatmeal? Or maybe when you run to be on time for the meeting with your boss who must discuss everything precisely at 9 am? When you helped your work colleague, even though you knew that it will mean you’ll be late to pick up your child from the kindergarten? Or when you let somebody postpone a meeting by 30 minutes even though you knew that this way you won’t have any time to mind your business afterwards? Or maybe when you ate an awful lunch in the corporate eatery because you had no time to go out anywhere? In the afternoon when you ran with a watch in your hand in order to drive your little ones to their classes? Or in the evening when you prepared dinner for everybody, put the laundry in and cleaned the house that looked like a city after a volcanic explosion? Or when you were happy that you’re going on vacation because the KIDS like the beach or hiking so much?
Think about it. Find at least one moment when you thought ONLY ABOUT YOURSELF. A moment when you were a perfect egoist. One that doesn’t care about anything. And guess what? She’s happy about it! She concentrates on herself. For 15 minutes, half an hour, an hour. She sits down with a book, eats what she likes, refuses if she doesn’t want to do something and doesn’t only think about what she should do and what others expect her to do but about what she wants to do. She does something just for herself. Nevermind what it is. For you it may be a favourite book, a visit to the hairdresser’s, nails in your favourite salon. For me it’s dinner with my girlfriend and a TV show in the evening. For her it may be running in the morning, a long bath in the evening and a walk with a dog. Try to be happier with things you do just FOR YOURSELF. Not because your child, husband, parents, in-laws, a work colleague or the boss want you to do it. And if it works, repeat the exercise the next day, and the next day, and the next day….
I’ve always been proud of being an egoist. I mean, I’m the only child! They said that egoism is bad. But you know what? I got wiser: healthy egoism in sensible measures is always good. Healthy egoism means caring about somebody who you have to love in order to stay sane. It means indulging yourself, accepting simple pleasures, enjoying life as often as you can. Healthy egoism is putting yourself on top of your priority list, not on the bottom. It means borders you make so that the others don’t get all over you. It’s satisfaction from what’s important for us without hurting others. And you know what? If you don’t do it, nobody will do it for you.
You may say: but I love my children, I love my husband, I want to do it all for them! Being wife and mother is a pleasure, building a family and a home too! I like my job, I like helping others. I like to give. Then I’ll ask: but don’t you love yourself too? At least a little? Then start giving yourself half of what you give others. Enjoy being an egoist. Do it for yourself.
*the source of the picture is: http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/everydayinspiration/2015/05/how-to-get-your-dreams-back-on-track.html